The toast portion of the night is one of my favorite parts of the wedding. It centers it back to the couple and the special people that support them. There are some safe guards though to make sure the toast portion of the evening doesn’t detract and we loose momentum.
I strongly recommend limiting toasts to three or four people total.
Once you go beyond four speakers, guests begin to lose their attention span. Remember, this is also a time when guests are seated and expected to stay quiet. After about 20 minutes, people naturally start wanting to talk, stretch their legs, or get a drink.
A helpful way to plan your timeline is to buffer five minutes per person giving a toast. When you invite someone to give a toast, let them know in advance that you’d like them to keep it to three to five minutes. Even if they aim for three minutes, that gives a little wiggle room if one of your speakers goes over the allotted time.
And of course, you know your audience best. If you have a parent or friend who tends to be long-winded, you may want to add a little extra time to your timeline. Parents, in particular, are the group most likely to go past the time limit. It’s very common for parent toasts to drift closer to 10 minutes if expectations aren’t set beforehand.
The longest toast I’ve ever seen lasted over 40 minutes. Immediately after, the bride’s sister gave another 20-minute toast. By the time it ended, the couple had almost no time left for dancing. Your guests absolutely want to hear heartfelt words about you. But they also came to celebrate with you, talk with friends, and dance. It’s really on you in these rare cases to tell your loved ones to wrap it up. If the message comes from a planner or DJ it will come off extremely rude and they may not listen. There is also a layer of complication if they are paying for the wedding. Setting expectations beforehand is the best way to avoid that situation entirely.
That being said, your planner can be a great buffer to block any unwanted toast or if someone is drunk to help get them off the microphone.
I also recommend avoiding open-mic toasts during the reception. Open mic situations can quickly spiral into:
- 20 people deciding to speak
- Toasts going on far longer than expected
- Someone who’s had a few drinks saying something awkward
There’s also the opposite possibility: no one volunteers, which can create an uncomfortable pause.
If you have a lot of people who would love to speak, consider moving some of those moments to the rehearsal dinner. That setting is smaller, more intimate, and perfect for additional stories and memories.
There are a few great ways to place toasts during the evening.
Some couples like to welcome guests as soon as they enter the ballroom with a short opening toast, followed by one or two speeches before dinner. Then the remaining toasts can happen after dinner.
If you do end up with more speakers than usual, breaking the toasts into two sections helps maintain energy and keeps guests engaged.
One trick I love using as a planner is to schedule the cake cutting right before toasts begin. While guests are listening to speeches, the catering team can cut and plate the cake in the background. By the time the toasts finish, dessert is ready to serve, and you can move quickly into dancing.
That small shift often adds extra time to the dance floor, which couples always appreciate.
Another question that often comes up is whether couples should do a traditional champagne toast. Unless you’re hosting a very formal or black-tie wedding, a more modern approach works beautifully: simply ask guests to have a drink in hand. Many guests don’t drink champagne, and those glasses often end up going untouched. Instead, have your DJ make an announcement about 10 minutes before toasts begin, encouraging guests to:
- refresh their drink
- use the restroom
- return to their seats
This helps everyone settle in comfortably before the speeches begin.
Before toasts start, let your planner know which people are most important for you to have present.
One of the big advantages of having a planner is that we can help gently herd guests back into the room. We’ll coordinate with the DJ and wait until key family members aren’t in the hallway, at the bar, or in the restroom before beginning.
That way, the people who matter most don’t miss those special moments.
